My mom hired a new maid, and guess what? She's sexy as hell. WIN!

Today, I have so many booty calls that i don't even know which to choose anymore... I chose a movie. WIN!

I just found three grams of weed underneath my car seat, and I have no idea how it got there. WIN!

If my business continues prosper like it has since I launched it, I predict I will make my first million dollars within six to nine months. WIN!

Today I realised that I was actually brought up pretty well when I heard some bogan trash tell her son that 'Inglourious Basterds' was historically accurate. WIN!

Just made $152 on ebay from something I bought for $47. WIN!

Today at work I coded some software to do all my work for me automatically. WIN!

Today, a girl I sort of know from a few years back sent me pictures of herself, well.. fucking herself with a dildo. I think she meant to send them to her boyfriend, who shares the same name as me. WIN!

At around 3AM last night, I could be found hooking up with a hot British girl with fake boobs in a supply cupboard situated on the roof of a local nightclub we were partying at. WIN!

Spent 7 days in Barcelona - 4 of them sleeping 1-2 hours a night. Partied with 25 students from around the world, became president of an international student organization, hooked up with Brazilian girl, sent my close Pakistani nerd friend with low self esteem to Japan through networking, where he was considered good-looking due to his furry eye brows and had girls swarming him. WIN!