My shirt smells like bacon flavored dog treats. WIN!

I was home alone one night and my sister brought her boyfriend home - thinking there was nobody here. They went into their room and I heard her mention "blindfold". I pushed her boyfriend down the stairs and then did the deed with her. She had a blindfold on so didn't know it was me! WIN!

Last night, I got so drunk I blacked-out. Lucky we filmed it all, including me having sex with a model. In the morning I woke up to her watching pokemon at the foot of my bed. WIN!

Yesterday my sister put her Victoria's Secret bras and panties into my washing basket by mistake and I got to handle them. WIN!

After consuming copious amounts of alcohol last night, I woke up sometime this morning with the devil inside me. I still made it to work. WIN!

Last night, my grandma walked in while I was jerking off my boyfriend- on the couch under the covers. She apparently didn't notice, said we looked cute together, and walked off. WIN!

Today, I realized I'm no longer "the fat kid". WIN!

A week ago, i drew a T-rex in math class. I labeled it "Shaq the Chistmas Dinosaur" with the tag-line "IT'S CHRISTMAS HOOKER!!!!!!" and hung it in the hallway. It has yet to be taken down, and every teacher who walks by it laughs. WIN!

Made it home this morning without falling asleep at the wheel. WIN!

My sister thought she was home alone the other night and showered without closing the bathroom door then walked around with nothing but a towel. I was home. WIN!