Yesterday a man in the street told me I looked like Hilary Duff. When she was fat. WIN!

I have $700 cash in my pocket. WIN!

I was watching the swimming on TV while scratching my balls this afternoon when I realised that in high school I copped a blowjob off the girl I was watching win the 50m butterfly at the world championships. WIN!

I can deadlift 150kg now....up from 45kg a year ago! WIN!

This morning I woke up in my girlfriend's bed after getting blackout drunk the night before to discover that I pissed myself in her bed. WIN!

I nearly got into an altercation last night, but before I could do anything, my girlfriend stepped up and punched the guy in the face. WIN!

Time Management 101: Phoning a girl to spend the day swimming. Being social + training all at once. WIN!

Just visited a craft store and saw a sign which read: "Unsupervised children will be sold to the circus." WIN!

My mum and I both got drunk last night for her 50th Birthday, and she confessed that I was her favourite child. WIN!

I got drunk last night and passed out. Woke up this morning with no hangover whatsoever and was 30 mins early to my 9am class. WIN!