Today my friend tried to get me to join his Amway pyramid scheme. I didn't. WIN!

i just got my tongue pierced. Getting a vibrating tounge ring in a week. WIN!

I jay-walked right in front of a cop this morning on the way to work. He did nothing about it. WIN!

Few nights ago, I laid my scrotum on my girlfriends head, then I slapped her face with my willy, we both thought it was funny. WIN!

I just found an awesome café with wicked food! Oh, and it's right next to a modelling agency. The waitress also gave a 10% discount. OMG so much WIN!

Last month, my phone company screwed up and told me they would change my plan immediately but they didn't. I just got a call back and I'm being credited for this month's bill. WIN!

Optus put me on call waiting for ten minutes. Fortunately my girlfriend was there to give me head the whole time. WIN!

Some drunk girl flashed her box at me in Jade Buddha. WIN!

I woke up before my alarm clock. Nice, I can get the day started earlier. WIN!

I went to the toilet to find a carpet snake had taken up residence in the bowl. I did a shit on top of the snake without getting bitten and it didn't even clog the toilet. WIN!